Ok, so on Sunday I reached this point (after not being truly social) where I shut the computer and kind of looked at myself and thought, "Really, E? Is this all it is? Something needs to change or you're seriously going to get depressed." I haven't really read anything since being home, and Mum bought me a magazine so I didn't turn on the tv and sat and read it cover to cover. That awakened me somehow. I showered and then felt the change, felt ravenous for life. I turned on the tv and even though it was Anthony Bourdain, I couldn't concentrate (and felt guilty cus I love him). I went through the magazines that have been sitting for me on the couch since I got home, reading articles here and there but mostly finding the recipes. Tidying makes me feel complete. So I did all my area on the couch and touched a bit of Mum's. It felt good and I couldn't be still and just watch telly; I had to keep doing things. This creative energy was going through me. (But I can't channel that into writing when it happens). It was just nice and enlivening. So much so I couldn't sleep, even though I was so tired I went to bed at 10:30.
Today I did a lot of chores. I did four loads of laundry while watching the entire first season of Gavin and Stacey (a hilarious British comedy--if you're not familiar with it you should become so). I have a small crush on James Corden, one of the writers. I cleaned/tidied the kitchen, organized my recipes, etc. all without getting out of my pajamas. I smelled rough by the time I showered around half seven. Oh oh, I also spent some time on my other current crush, Simon Amstell (who, unfortunately for me, is gay). Watched a bunch of his videos and squeed about how darn cute he is. But overall it was a productive day. I feel reflective and happy right now. Oh shit, I meant to tackle my closet, but I'll get to that at some point this week. Small goals, E, and that's all one can ask for to keep going. Taking pleasure in the small things. Life is good to me, when I look for these things.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Mid-day Mastery
HaHA! I just thought I needed to record somewhere this good mood that has finally come over me. I love Planned Parenthood, I just do. They do amazing work and if I had oodles of money I would give it to them. TMI warning: slight yeast infection, slight UTI...sighhh it seems my time has come. I will stop using Dove products cus that one time I used their deodorant it made me itchy all in the armpit and it seems that their body wash stuff, while it smells amazing, is not for my skin. I'm not pregnant, my IUD is still in place, and spotting kind of all over the place is completely normal (thank you, doctors in England making me feel like something was wrong). I can deal with it as long as I know it's normal. So anyways, mixed news there but I went by myself and was strong and now have antibiotics to take and I'm making pasta with pesto so life is good.
But what would make it even better?! This morning I was driving back from dropping Mum off at work and I was listening to NPR and I had this thought, "Oh, it would be cool to hear Scheherazade on here..." and then I turn it on after filling my prescription AND IT WAS PLAYING THE TAIL END OF SCHEHERAZADE. It was totally one of those amazing moments where you feel like everything is coming together in your life. Mum gets out of work early today, we're working out, and it should be a lovely weekend. I feel happier.
But what would make it even better?! This morning I was driving back from dropping Mum off at work and I was listening to NPR and I had this thought, "Oh, it would be cool to hear Scheherazade on here..." and then I turn it on after filling my prescription AND IT WAS PLAYING THE TAIL END OF SCHEHERAZADE. It was totally one of those amazing moments where you feel like everything is coming together in your life. Mum gets out of work early today, we're working out, and it should be a lovely weekend. I feel happier.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Famalamadingdong Time
More more more family time. Always lovely. Saw Uncle Jim, Aunt Marilou and Tony on Sunday. Have to note that when I said Uncle Jim makes inappropriate jokes that they ARE FUNNY. It was great to see them. Lots of going out to eat, sat in Wendy's for like two hours shooting the shit and drinking too much iced tea, me playing on their smart phones.
Other family of note--went to Shipshewana yesterday with Aunt Viv and Cameron. The day kicked off around 9:30 with simultaneous sunshine and rainshower. We went to Rykses for breakfast and all had HUGE, yummy cinnamon buns (couldn't finish mine). Couldn't finish breakfast scrambler for that matter either. Then headed down to Shipse, stopping for caffeine on the way. Stopped at the one metalworks house before hitting town, but Aunt Viv didn't find what she wanted so we parked near the gas station as the rain picked up again and it was pouring. We sat in the car for a few minutes and then it let up some so we headed to the flea market. It had stopped raining after a few and we got down there and put the pedal to the metal. I bought some nail polish and a sudoku book. I don't know if Cameron was too prepared for the level of shopping Aunt Viv is capable of. I was surprised that we were only in the market for two and a half hours. We got caught in a 15-minute rainstorm again, hopping from tent to tent as they all covered up in a matter of minutes to protect their wares. It was POURING. Then blue sky appeared again and all the people emerged. We finally relocated the tent with the cast iron cookware, bought what we wanted, and left.
We dropped our stuff off in the car, had a breather in the gas station, then walked around town. The shops are cute and all, but you need some monayyyy. By the time we were walking around the furniture store (which had really beautiful pieces), I was dead tired and was so happy to walk back to the car and go to Bashley's. Ben wasn't home yet, but it was nice to just sit and talk and stuff. Violet was very quiet in the beginning, but then she opened up more and more and was soon running around talking, etc. Their new kitten Mars is adorable. He's soooo tiny! Ben got home from work after we had been there for about twenty minutes and we decided to get takeaway so Ashley and Vi stayed home as the rest of us drove to Middlebury for some Chinese. While they were preparing our order, we went into this bike shop, but I spent most of that time on Ben's iPhone playing Scrabble. We brought the food home and ate and Mars took a nap on Cam's lap (also, note that my cousin is only just 14, already like 6'2''/6'3'' wearing a size 14 shoe--went we ate breakfast, I swear I blinked and his food was gone--crazy). Then we kind of sat around talking and Ben made coffee. We finally headed home around 8. All in all, it was a simple, straight forward day and it was exhausting in a good way. My feet hurt a bit when I got home and I talked with Mum for like half an hour, took a shower, went online for like ten minutes and basically went to bed at 10:30 I was so tired.
I have been feeling ill a lot of this week and I have one doctor's appointment tomorrow so basically today (and the other days) have been me sitting around most of the day watching telly online. It can be kind of boring, but I don't feel up to much else. I hope to see Uncle Jim and Aunt Marilou one more time before they leave and depending on what's wrong with me, I'll get up to more tomorrow. But overall, it's good to be surrounded by family who are crazy and wacky and fun.
Other family of note--went to Shipshewana yesterday with Aunt Viv and Cameron. The day kicked off around 9:30 with simultaneous sunshine and rainshower. We went to Rykses for breakfast and all had HUGE, yummy cinnamon buns (couldn't finish mine). Couldn't finish breakfast scrambler for that matter either. Then headed down to Shipse, stopping for caffeine on the way. Stopped at the one metalworks house before hitting town, but Aunt Viv didn't find what she wanted so we parked near the gas station as the rain picked up again and it was pouring. We sat in the car for a few minutes and then it let up some so we headed to the flea market. It had stopped raining after a few and we got down there and put the pedal to the metal. I bought some nail polish and a sudoku book. I don't know if Cameron was too prepared for the level of shopping Aunt Viv is capable of. I was surprised that we were only in the market for two and a half hours. We got caught in a 15-minute rainstorm again, hopping from tent to tent as they all covered up in a matter of minutes to protect their wares. It was POURING. Then blue sky appeared again and all the people emerged. We finally relocated the tent with the cast iron cookware, bought what we wanted, and left.
We dropped our stuff off in the car, had a breather in the gas station, then walked around town. The shops are cute and all, but you need some monayyyy. By the time we were walking around the furniture store (which had really beautiful pieces), I was dead tired and was so happy to walk back to the car and go to Bashley's. Ben wasn't home yet, but it was nice to just sit and talk and stuff. Violet was very quiet in the beginning, but then she opened up more and more and was soon running around talking, etc. Their new kitten Mars is adorable. He's soooo tiny! Ben got home from work after we had been there for about twenty minutes and we decided to get takeaway so Ashley and Vi stayed home as the rest of us drove to Middlebury for some Chinese. While they were preparing our order, we went into this bike shop, but I spent most of that time on Ben's iPhone playing Scrabble. We brought the food home and ate and Mars took a nap on Cam's lap (also, note that my cousin is only just 14, already like 6'2''/6'3'' wearing a size 14 shoe--went we ate breakfast, I swear I blinked and his food was gone--crazy). Then we kind of sat around talking and Ben made coffee. We finally headed home around 8. All in all, it was a simple, straight forward day and it was exhausting in a good way. My feet hurt a bit when I got home and I talked with Mum for like half an hour, took a shower, went online for like ten minutes and basically went to bed at 10:30 I was so tired.
I have been feeling ill a lot of this week and I have one doctor's appointment tomorrow so basically today (and the other days) have been me sitting around most of the day watching telly online. It can be kind of boring, but I don't feel up to much else. I hope to see Uncle Jim and Aunt Marilou one more time before they leave and depending on what's wrong with me, I'll get up to more tomorrow. But overall, it's good to be surrounded by family who are crazy and wacky and fun.
Friday, June 17, 2011
What is it, Sebastian--I'm arranging matches.
Ok, so. I had been cooking up a way to summarize the last few days to explain my absence, but, as I knew I would, I have chickened out and decided not to lay it all out completely...at least not yet. I think that I need to put more time behind me before I can talk about it fully. And with that, I will just say that the last few days have been trying, but I got through. I got through because Meredith changed her profile picture to Noel Fielding wearing one of the kookiest outfits I've ever seen him in, and then I got a wave of nostalgia for England and decided to watch Nevermind the Buzzcocks. I then spent five hours watching series 24 interspersed with Graham Norton clips. And it felt good and right. On Wednesday I had the courage to watch "Vincent and the Doctor" which didn't make me cry as I thought it would. Rather, it made me feel empowered and miss England again, in a good way. Spent that afternoon watching Buzzcocks again. And again yesterday, before I actually started to get a bit sick of it.
One thing I had been worried about is losing friendship(s). I feel sad cus most of my friends this summer are not in Kalamazoo, and I worried about the quality of some. I was wrong in my worry. Tuesday night I called Rachel for the first time since being home and we talked for an hour. I love that girl. She brings me around to such positive and optimistic views. She's always about having fun and thinking about the bright side of things. And she asks probing questions. I'm lucky to have her as a friend. She suggested we start a book club this summer--how cute and so plainly Rachel Fentin!
On Wednesday I saw Chelsey for the first time since being home and before she goes off to Italy for most of the summer. We met at Applebees for lunch, and though I was bumming during a large portion of it, it was still good to see her and I am again amazed at her. I always use Chelsey as the example when people complain about money. I tell them about how she was not privileged growing up and about how hard she has worked and continues to work to get to where she is today. She is one of the most responsible people I know and I tear up at the standard she sets for our peers.
I joined a gym. Mum has been going with a friend since January, and I wanted to get in on that as something healthy to do this summer to get me off my ass...and to get me off my ass. I have yet to be taken around to the weight machines, but I did a lot on the treadmill and elliptical. I came home (late and I'm sorry for that) to skype with Michelle and Niko. I had worried that my friendship with Michelle was somehow less since she got home, but I do understand that she's very busy. It wasn't until we skyped that I remembered the quality of our friendship, and of course, it's me, I cried at her and Niko, the latter of whom looks like such a California boy when he's in that setting. You can say duh, but I find it funny. It was great to have that dynamic back and to learn that Niko is planning a visit to Ann Arbor shortly after he settles in Chicago for law school (again, a friend to be proud of). More things to look forward to. MiShayShay, Nik Nik and E together again. Being able to type/text Nik Nik again made me happy. I have been in contact with others through facebook IM and skype as well and talking to them and catching up has been so nice and comforting and fun. I'm sorry that I overlooked my friendships and I am thankful, thankful, thankful that they are in my life and are there for me.
I am also thankful for my family. Today was Mum's day off and she paid for lots of grooming--I got my hair chopped off! It was time for a change. And it feels refreshing. We did a bunch of errands and got Steve father's day pressies. And ate at Applebees and Starbucks. Mum says Steve must be flattered by me, because I was texting him to let him know where we were and I always tell him he's funny and cute. And late night skyping with Aunt Marilou and Uncle Jim, making inappropriate jokes. And my brother sending me the CUTEST picture of Violet practically crushing their new kitten Mars. Sometimes it ain't so bad.
I lost my train of thought to sadness for a minute, but maybe it's best to end there. I talked about the good, which is what I wanted to do/focus on. Youtube has helped, friends have saved. Life is an emotional rollercoaster, whether you like it or not.
One thing I had been worried about is losing friendship(s). I feel sad cus most of my friends this summer are not in Kalamazoo, and I worried about the quality of some. I was wrong in my worry. Tuesday night I called Rachel for the first time since being home and we talked for an hour. I love that girl. She brings me around to such positive and optimistic views. She's always about having fun and thinking about the bright side of things. And she asks probing questions. I'm lucky to have her as a friend. She suggested we start a book club this summer--how cute and so plainly Rachel Fentin!
On Wednesday I saw Chelsey for the first time since being home and before she goes off to Italy for most of the summer. We met at Applebees for lunch, and though I was bumming during a large portion of it, it was still good to see her and I am again amazed at her. I always use Chelsey as the example when people complain about money. I tell them about how she was not privileged growing up and about how hard she has worked and continues to work to get to where she is today. She is one of the most responsible people I know and I tear up at the standard she sets for our peers.
I joined a gym. Mum has been going with a friend since January, and I wanted to get in on that as something healthy to do this summer to get me off my ass...and to get me off my ass. I have yet to be taken around to the weight machines, but I did a lot on the treadmill and elliptical. I came home (late and I'm sorry for that) to skype with Michelle and Niko. I had worried that my friendship with Michelle was somehow less since she got home, but I do understand that she's very busy. It wasn't until we skyped that I remembered the quality of our friendship, and of course, it's me, I cried at her and Niko, the latter of whom looks like such a California boy when he's in that setting. You can say duh, but I find it funny. It was great to have that dynamic back and to learn that Niko is planning a visit to Ann Arbor shortly after he settles in Chicago for law school (again, a friend to be proud of). More things to look forward to. MiShayShay, Nik Nik and E together again. Being able to type/text Nik Nik again made me happy. I have been in contact with others through facebook IM and skype as well and talking to them and catching up has been so nice and comforting and fun. I'm sorry that I overlooked my friendships and I am thankful, thankful, thankful that they are in my life and are there for me.
I am also thankful for my family. Today was Mum's day off and she paid for lots of grooming--I got my hair chopped off! It was time for a change. And it feels refreshing. We did a bunch of errands and got Steve father's day pressies. And ate at Applebees and Starbucks. Mum says Steve must be flattered by me, because I was texting him to let him know where we were and I always tell him he's funny and cute. And late night skyping with Aunt Marilou and Uncle Jim, making inappropriate jokes. And my brother sending me the CUTEST picture of Violet practically crushing their new kitten Mars. Sometimes it ain't so bad.
I lost my train of thought to sadness for a minute, but maybe it's best to end there. I talked about the good, which is what I wanted to do/focus on. Youtube has helped, friends have saved. Life is an emotional rollercoaster, whether you like it or not.
Friday, June 10, 2011
"It feels like 8 years but it also feels like it was yesterday."
The above quote from Patty--so true.
I kind of want to write on the theme of betrayal, how you think some people are your friend but then you're not so sure. It's not so clear cut or even as betraying as I make it out to be, but I lost one of my confidantes and a little bit of trust for that person.
Yesterday was a bit grating. It's so great to see family but it stresses everyone out and I had moments where I just thought, "Ok, I hate being home." It was weird when Ben, Ashley and Violet left because then the house was so quiet. Mum and I went to Kohl's and then Marshall's where she bought me a maxi dress for the summer. We then went to Meijer's and I stood in the world foods aisle looking at the British goods feeling like that was so far away but at the same time looking at the shitty hot chocolate made me happy. Oh god, if only there was clotted cream to be had here...Anyway, we got stuff to make a curry and I went home and chopped veggies only to find out the frozen chicken we had was flavored (as I had had a feeling it would be) so we ended up eating pasta with pesto, a "dish" I lived on while in London. Mum thought it ok.
I then went to Waterstreet on Oakland, my haven in the summer. Waterstreet is a local coffee place that bakes and makes deli stuff. I got my typical chai shake with dark chocolate flavoring but I was astounded at how much it cost ($5.83!!). I sat myself at a table outside and listened to a nearby study group translating French. All of a sudden there was a familiar voice and I thought, "That belongs to no one other than Brandon Miller," and, sure enough, I look over to see one of my best friends from age 14 on sitting on the couch. I got up and touched him on the shoulder and he sprung up and hugged me. What a coinkydink. I left him to study after a brief chat (and before he left he gave me his current number) as Olga arrived and then Patty so we moved to push other tables together. Good times with those crazy string-playing ladies. We stayed until about 10:30 and the mosquitoes were biting. I then got a bit lost trying to find T's new house in the student ghetto. I picked up my mum's Harrods tea from him and went home only to stay up til nearly 1am feeling like I wanted to die I was so tired.
This morning I awoke late!ish at 8am at my alarm. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I had promised Mum I'd accompany her to her mammogram that morning. We hit up Panera again afterwards, and I tore into my asiago cheese bagel. Then we went to JC Penney for bras and I got four. Can anyone please tell me why bras cost just as much as a pair of pants? I don't understand how such a little thing can be like $30-some. Mum told me that was the end of retail therapy, but I understand why.
The next drama was that Ben had started overhauling my computer with a burned copy of Vista, then after they left I found my disks and started reinstalling myself and, though I had to do it twice and call him at least five times, I reinstalled the OS but then the wireless card stopped working, so Mum is bringing it into Geek Squad today and I'll be without it for at least a week and a half (and knowing them, longer...) But my brother, being so randomly giving and kind, left his old laptop here for me to use. Mum is somewhat convinced that they just might replace my laptop if they can't get the stuff to work. Ha!
So basically, the boredom of summer begins. Wanting to eat all day out of boredom, accessibility, and a bit of sadness. Things are finally on TV. I want to catch up with shows that I got sick of before but now want to see again. My guilty pleasure for the evening will be Ghost Adventures. If you don't know what that is, youtube it. It's a bunch of frat-type guys chasing the paranormal and it's kind of hilarious. So there's that.
Total retail therapy:
1 frozen mocha from Panera; 1 belt, 1 wallet from Goodwill; 10 minutes spent wearing glitter-covered, peep-toe heels in front of the mirror in Kohl's; 1 tube maxi dress; 1 bagel, 1 chai from Panera, 4 new bras, possible computer makeover (FO FREE CUS I PAID THE BEST WARRANTY). xx
I kind of want to write on the theme of betrayal, how you think some people are your friend but then you're not so sure. It's not so clear cut or even as betraying as I make it out to be, but I lost one of my confidantes and a little bit of trust for that person.
Yesterday was a bit grating. It's so great to see family but it stresses everyone out and I had moments where I just thought, "Ok, I hate being home." It was weird when Ben, Ashley and Violet left because then the house was so quiet. Mum and I went to Kohl's and then Marshall's where she bought me a maxi dress for the summer. We then went to Meijer's and I stood in the world foods aisle looking at the British goods feeling like that was so far away but at the same time looking at the shitty hot chocolate made me happy. Oh god, if only there was clotted cream to be had here...Anyway, we got stuff to make a curry and I went home and chopped veggies only to find out the frozen chicken we had was flavored (as I had had a feeling it would be) so we ended up eating pasta with pesto, a "dish" I lived on while in London. Mum thought it ok.
I then went to Waterstreet on Oakland, my haven in the summer. Waterstreet is a local coffee place that bakes and makes deli stuff. I got my typical chai shake with dark chocolate flavoring but I was astounded at how much it cost ($5.83!!). I sat myself at a table outside and listened to a nearby study group translating French. All of a sudden there was a familiar voice and I thought, "That belongs to no one other than Brandon Miller," and, sure enough, I look over to see one of my best friends from age 14 on sitting on the couch. I got up and touched him on the shoulder and he sprung up and hugged me. What a coinkydink. I left him to study after a brief chat (and before he left he gave me his current number) as Olga arrived and then Patty so we moved to push other tables together. Good times with those crazy string-playing ladies. We stayed until about 10:30 and the mosquitoes were biting. I then got a bit lost trying to find T's new house in the student ghetto. I picked up my mum's Harrods tea from him and went home only to stay up til nearly 1am feeling like I wanted to die I was so tired.
This morning I awoke late!ish at 8am at my alarm. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I had promised Mum I'd accompany her to her mammogram that morning. We hit up Panera again afterwards, and I tore into my asiago cheese bagel. Then we went to JC Penney for bras and I got four. Can anyone please tell me why bras cost just as much as a pair of pants? I don't understand how such a little thing can be like $30-some. Mum told me that was the end of retail therapy, but I understand why.
The next drama was that Ben had started overhauling my computer with a burned copy of Vista, then after they left I found my disks and started reinstalling myself and, though I had to do it twice and call him at least five times, I reinstalled the OS but then the wireless card stopped working, so Mum is bringing it into Geek Squad today and I'll be without it for at least a week and a half (and knowing them, longer...) But my brother, being so randomly giving and kind, left his old laptop here for me to use. Mum is somewhat convinced that they just might replace my laptop if they can't get the stuff to work. Ha!
So basically, the boredom of summer begins. Wanting to eat all day out of boredom, accessibility, and a bit of sadness. Things are finally on TV. I want to catch up with shows that I got sick of before but now want to see again. My guilty pleasure for the evening will be Ghost Adventures. If you don't know what that is, youtube it. It's a bunch of frat-type guys chasing the paranormal and it's kind of hilarious. So there's that.
Total retail therapy:
1 frozen mocha from Panera; 1 belt, 1 wallet from Goodwill; 10 minutes spent wearing glitter-covered, peep-toe heels in front of the mirror in Kohl's; 1 tube maxi dress; 1 bagel, 1 chai from Panera, 4 new bras, possible computer makeover (FO FREE CUS I PAID THE BEST WARRANTY). xx
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Closing the chapter on the last one
So I just completed a blog (e-unitinlondontown.blogspot.com), and now it's time to wrap that up completely. Some people told me they enjoyed reading (here and there lol) so I've started a new blog that will be about the day-to-day stuff that happens where I'm living. Also, as a side note, Elliot once remarked that he will forever remember me as "Elissa from Kalamazoo" like a Dr. Suess character, so that seemed a bit fitting for a blog about everyday life. I will always have my roots here.
Firstly, I left London yesterday, specifically my flat around 6:45 AM BST. It was surreal to finally leave after I had been there for over nine months without going home. Kalamazoo was so tangible in my mind at times, but when I was finally faced with it, I felt I could take it or leave it. Anyway, goodbye was hard (skims over details) and the flight was weird. Only turned out to be 7 hours and not full in the slightest. I had a row to myself and didn't sleep a wink, nor did I attempt to. I watched two movies, two tv shows, listened to most of one album, all of another, and did su doku (thank you, Charli, so thoughtful xx). I don't know what my biological clock was thinking about the time when we rolled into Newark around 1:30pm EST. I was unprepared for the 90-degree heat (30+ in C) in my jeans and jacket but I had to lug all my stuff. I went through customs/immigration then had to collect my checked bags (I didn't get a trolley because they cost money in the US cue more sweat) and had to transfer them before taking a train to another terminal, then waiting in line to have to go through TSA security for the US. (Also, we're super patriotic. The flight was all, "WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES [AMERICAN FLAG IN BACKGROUND]") I think the one of the things that saved me was the spunky old lady (you know I love old people) behind me who commented, as we were both bent over untying our shoes, "Four security checks in Europe and it's only here that I have to take off my shoes!" I agreed. Later I saw her sitting in the same waiting area and took some comfort in her proximity.
I got to my gate and finally finally got to call my mum. I could barely contain myself and she asked me if I was excited to be in the US and I promptly burst into tears and said no and was acutely embarrassed because there were people everywhere, including across from me as I struggled not to cry more. I dug helplessly in my purse but could not find my tissues so I had to use the roll of toilet paper I stuffed in my backpack. Class act. I called and called and called Obi and finally after half an hour, we connected and he made me feel more calm and like I could do it. I talked to him up until we had to board. The plane was small--one of the two-seats-on-one-side and one-on-the-other types. I got my own side and took further comfort in the English woman behind me, asked her where she was from and we got to chatting for a few minutes about England. Then two other English ladies sat across the aisle from me and I talked to them as well and it felt like a good way to ease out of England by being surrounded by English people when I was going home.
As the plane went on, I finally dozed a bit and my excitement to be close(r) to home grew. When we landed I had four new messages and my mum was totally on time. I power walked to the baggage claim and found her, walked all the way up to her before she saw me. Her face lit up and she gave me a really big hug, and, as I knew it would be, it felt like not a day had passed since I last saw her. We collected my bags and went home.
Nothing has changed. Well, little things have changed but it's still Kalamazoo and it feels like somewhere between a good and a bad thing. I had been up for nearly 24 hours by the time I got to bed last night. Slept at 10:30 and this morning I woke up before 7 and kind of gave up. Before any sadness could really push down on me, I heard Violet in her crib so I went in. She's grown SO big since I last saw her and for a few minutes she just stared at me as I talked to her in her cradle. After a bit, I took her into Ben and Ashley's room to see what her morning routine was and they just got up and we all sat around. I fed Violet oatmeal.
The best things about being home: big fridge stocked with tons of different kinds of food; new dishes; bathroom seems so much bigger than I remember; my ROOM; more clothes; LOTS of clothes; all my stuff in one place; my family; etc. The day has basically been a blur of getting in and out of the car. I thought retail therapy would help but no good bras at Kohl's, and there are no cute wallets big enough for my shit. We filled the kiddie pool for Violet though. And I drove by myself. I found I had little appetite after Panera. I was amazed that such a small amount of food filled me so completely. I took my Sainsbury's bag to Hardings and felt like a fool and bought the same brand of pesto I had in England. I am making an egg scramble tomorrow for the family. All the commotion starting to get to me as Violet did not have a second nap today and was screaming and running around and falling. Ben and Ashley have gone to South Haven and Violet went to bed shortly after so I am here to collect my thoughts. There is nothing good on all the channels I raved about missing, I ate a measly bowl of Chinese takeaway, I think I'm jetlagged but I can't be sure. I hope for the best, really.
Firstly, I left London yesterday, specifically my flat around 6:45 AM BST. It was surreal to finally leave after I had been there for over nine months without going home. Kalamazoo was so tangible in my mind at times, but when I was finally faced with it, I felt I could take it or leave it. Anyway, goodbye was hard (skims over details) and the flight was weird. Only turned out to be 7 hours and not full in the slightest. I had a row to myself and didn't sleep a wink, nor did I attempt to. I watched two movies, two tv shows, listened to most of one album, all of another, and did su doku (thank you, Charli, so thoughtful xx). I don't know what my biological clock was thinking about the time when we rolled into Newark around 1:30pm EST. I was unprepared for the 90-degree heat (30+ in C) in my jeans and jacket but I had to lug all my stuff. I went through customs/immigration then had to collect my checked bags (I didn't get a trolley because they cost money in the US cue more sweat) and had to transfer them before taking a train to another terminal, then waiting in line to have to go through TSA security for the US. (Also, we're super patriotic. The flight was all, "WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES [AMERICAN FLAG IN BACKGROUND]") I think the one of the things that saved me was the spunky old lady (you know I love old people) behind me who commented, as we were both bent over untying our shoes, "Four security checks in Europe and it's only here that I have to take off my shoes!" I agreed. Later I saw her sitting in the same waiting area and took some comfort in her proximity.
I got to my gate and finally finally got to call my mum. I could barely contain myself and she asked me if I was excited to be in the US and I promptly burst into tears and said no and was acutely embarrassed because there were people everywhere, including across from me as I struggled not to cry more. I dug helplessly in my purse but could not find my tissues so I had to use the roll of toilet paper I stuffed in my backpack. Class act. I called and called and called Obi and finally after half an hour, we connected and he made me feel more calm and like I could do it. I talked to him up until we had to board. The plane was small--one of the two-seats-on-one-side and one-on-the-other types. I got my own side and took further comfort in the English woman behind me, asked her where she was from and we got to chatting for a few minutes about England. Then two other English ladies sat across the aisle from me and I talked to them as well and it felt like a good way to ease out of England by being surrounded by English people when I was going home.
As the plane went on, I finally dozed a bit and my excitement to be close(r) to home grew. When we landed I had four new messages and my mum was totally on time. I power walked to the baggage claim and found her, walked all the way up to her before she saw me. Her face lit up and she gave me a really big hug, and, as I knew it would be, it felt like not a day had passed since I last saw her. We collected my bags and went home.
Nothing has changed. Well, little things have changed but it's still Kalamazoo and it feels like somewhere between a good and a bad thing. I had been up for nearly 24 hours by the time I got to bed last night. Slept at 10:30 and this morning I woke up before 7 and kind of gave up. Before any sadness could really push down on me, I heard Violet in her crib so I went in. She's grown SO big since I last saw her and for a few minutes she just stared at me as I talked to her in her cradle. After a bit, I took her into Ben and Ashley's room to see what her morning routine was and they just got up and we all sat around. I fed Violet oatmeal.
The best things about being home: big fridge stocked with tons of different kinds of food; new dishes; bathroom seems so much bigger than I remember; my ROOM; more clothes; LOTS of clothes; all my stuff in one place; my family; etc. The day has basically been a blur of getting in and out of the car. I thought retail therapy would help but no good bras at Kohl's, and there are no cute wallets big enough for my shit. We filled the kiddie pool for Violet though. And I drove by myself. I found I had little appetite after Panera. I was amazed that such a small amount of food filled me so completely. I took my Sainsbury's bag to Hardings and felt like a fool and bought the same brand of pesto I had in England. I am making an egg scramble tomorrow for the family. All the commotion starting to get to me as Violet did not have a second nap today and was screaming and running around and falling. Ben and Ashley have gone to South Haven and Violet went to bed shortly after so I am here to collect my thoughts. There is nothing good on all the channels I raved about missing, I ate a measly bowl of Chinese takeaway, I think I'm jetlagged but I can't be sure. I hope for the best, really.
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