Ok, so on Sunday I reached this point (after not being truly social) where I shut the computer and kind of looked at myself and thought, "Really, E? Is this all it is? Something needs to change or you're seriously going to get depressed." I haven't really read anything since being home, and Mum bought me a magazine so I didn't turn on the tv and sat and read it cover to cover. That awakened me somehow. I showered and then felt the change, felt ravenous for life. I turned on the tv and even though it was Anthony Bourdain, I couldn't concentrate (and felt guilty cus I love him). I went through the magazines that have been sitting for me on the couch since I got home, reading articles here and there but mostly finding the recipes. Tidying makes me feel complete. So I did all my area on the couch and touched a bit of Mum's. It felt good and I couldn't be still and just watch telly; I had to keep doing things. This creative energy was going through me. (But I can't channel that into writing when it happens). It was just nice and enlivening. So much so I couldn't sleep, even though I was so tired I went to bed at 10:30.
Today I did a lot of chores. I did four loads of laundry while watching the entire first season of Gavin and Stacey (a hilarious British comedy--if you're not familiar with it you should become so). I have a small crush on James Corden, one of the writers. I cleaned/tidied the kitchen, organized my recipes, etc. all without getting out of my pajamas. I smelled rough by the time I showered around half seven. Oh oh, I also spent some time on my other current crush, Simon Amstell (who, unfortunately for me, is gay). Watched a bunch of his videos and squeed about how darn cute he is. But overall it was a productive day. I feel reflective and happy right now. Oh shit, I meant to tackle my closet, but I'll get to that at some point this week. Small goals, E, and that's all one can ask for to keep going. Taking pleasure in the small things. Life is good to me, when I look for these things.
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