Ok, so it's good that I'm finding good things happening in a row...and that I'm finding time to write a short snippet about my life after getting most important work out of the way. This morning in 19th century American we were finishing up with Whitman and going over passages basically about him touching himself, orgasming and then basking in the afterglow. We then had discussion about that and a lot of people were saying it was awkward and embarrassing and knowing me, I was loving it and felt it made Whitman more accessible to me. LOL. No, but I might write on him...also I think I kind of got over the awkwardness of hearing KL say "oral sex" because after we read the passages today he was just like, "What was Whitman ON when he wrote this????" It was great.
Also today, I had my tutorial with LT (I almost want to put her whole name in here but I am respecting privacy for once). Talking about my story took only like ten minutes and part 1 of goodness was that I used to be afraid of writing a story with sex or even swearing in it for her but I got over that and so she was talking about my story today, about one character and saying, "That bastard did this to her and ...!" It made me really happy. And then I asked her about the internships I'm applying for/about my future and she just gave me more insight into each of them and I'm going to make another advising appointment with her for Friday hopefully so we can talk about my future and publishing and so I can be on top of my shit. I just love LT, for realz. She keeps it real and I feel comfortable and happy and it was a good day.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
things good
So I'm on top of my work, right? Right?
Meredith came to visit today which is what I needed and we went to TeaHaus and I didn'tknowtheyhadsconesbuttheyhadscones SO I ATE SCONES TODAY. It was truly the best, although they don't have anything on Camellia's quirky teapots and perfectly shaped scones. Their scones were a bit dry but the blueberry one was goooood and they also served lemon curd.
ALSO Meredith brought me Heinz tomato soup and CLOTTED CREAM for my birthday. It was the best. And no one else need understand that.
A tiny escape in the midst of annoyance.
Meredith came to visit today which is what I needed and we went to TeaHaus and I didn'tknowtheyhadsconesbuttheyhadscones SO I ATE SCONES TODAY. It was truly the best, although they don't have anything on Camellia's quirky teapots and perfectly shaped scones. Their scones were a bit dry but the blueberry one was goooood and they also served lemon curd.
ALSO Meredith brought me Heinz tomato soup and CLOTTED CREAM for my birthday. It was the best. And no one else need understand that.
A tiny escape in the midst of annoyance.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
An Ode to Lists
1. Successful as shit RC Review meeting in which I became highly excited about the upcoming year and good people involved.
2. Getting drunk with house, Rachel renting a projector and subsequently watching episodes of Community on our living room wall.
3. Chill night [of giant black bean brownie slab] turning into girl's night watching Blair Witch on the living room floor amidst a sea of pillows and blankets and nail polish.
4. Sue falling asleep during movie and spending the night on the floor in our own house.
5. Making mondo egg scramble for house followed by apple cinnamon scones.
6. Day-long food coma.
7. Best dinner I've made myself yet--salmon, roasted onions, potatoes, green beans.
8. Feel baller.
9. Lots of time spent on porch swing.
10. Staying on budget.
11. Saddle soap smelling like Terrapin.
12. Having a bad day but counteracting it by calling the boo then getting lost in good music (like he told me to).
13. Housemates all being so collectively adorable I got annoyed and told them to stop.
14. Learning and growing each and every day and making the most of my knowledge.
15. LIFE.
2. Getting drunk with house, Rachel renting a projector and subsequently watching episodes of Community on our living room wall.
3. Chill night [of giant black bean brownie slab] turning into girl's night watching Blair Witch on the living room floor amidst a sea of pillows and blankets and nail polish.
4. Sue falling asleep during movie and spending the night on the floor in our own house.
5. Making mondo egg scramble for house followed by apple cinnamon scones.
6. Day-long food coma.
7. Best dinner I've made myself yet--salmon, roasted onions, potatoes, green beans.
8. Feel baller.
9. Lots of time spent on porch swing.
10. Staying on budget.
11. Saddle soap smelling like Terrapin.
12. Having a bad day but counteracting it by calling the boo then getting lost in good music (like he told me to).
13. Housemates all being so collectively adorable I got annoyed and told them to stop.
14. Learning and growing each and every day and making the most of my knowledge.
15. LIFE.
Monday, September 12, 2011
thisisgoingtoberushed
I can't even begin to go into detail about all the stuff that's happened since I last wrote. I've gone out so much more than I ever have before--kareoke, salsa dancing (mojito!), more visiting people, festiforum, bowling, dinners, lots of Prague, etc. It's been loads of fun and extremely tiring and somehow I've still managed to participate a bunch of times in the class I was dreading and didn't really get what was going on in the essay at all. I think that's why I like KL as a professor. I don't love him but I don't hate him. He spins things in a very approachable way, makes them very relatable. Also, it rained for like four days in a row at least. And when I say it rained, like pouring 80% of the day. Lots of soggy shoes, soggy socks, squishy walking noises. Lots of feeling super connected to many different people and then realizing that I am going to enjoy having some space and quiet time. My room is kind of a mess. I should probably do laundry. Niko was here. I have to go to Kalamazoo and back tomorrow. It's going to be another insanely busy week. I am really excited about RC Review. I want more Miranda and tea and coziness. I have been too scatterbrained with all the shit that I've had to do and I need to focus and get more organized.
I thought it was going to be awful that I waited until tonight to write my short story for tutorial tomorrow (which, incidentally, I can't go to because of aforementioned scatterbrainedness), but as my thoughts brewed up in my headspace, I knew there was a small scene that I had to at least write out even though I knew it was going to be a bit emotionally difficult, but it was one of those things that I have to realize I would regret not getting out at least as artistically as I heard it in my head. So I sat down and started writing it and got to two paragraphs which told all I needed and then I was like, "Oh, there's an idea of how to make this into a story." And bam. Story. Story that made me feel on the verge of tears at some points writing it, but that's good, right? I feel like, especially after what I overheard at the previous appointment last week, tutorials are really like therapy. Yes, we learn how to improve our writing (therapy in itself) one-on-one with a really great professor, but doing such an intimate thing helps. It just helps.
And I want to be like Pam Houston and write really great poetic short stories about these crazy adventures and how great it can be to be single but not too much because sometimes she gets a bit whiny or carries on like, "Why am I still single? Why do men suck?" cus they all bust out on her but not that stuff, more like the rapids stories and the travelling the world stories are amazing. I always come back to her and just marvel.
I thought it was going to be awful that I waited until tonight to write my short story for tutorial tomorrow (which, incidentally, I can't go to because of aforementioned scatterbrainedness), but as my thoughts brewed up in my headspace, I knew there was a small scene that I had to at least write out even though I knew it was going to be a bit emotionally difficult, but it was one of those things that I have to realize I would regret not getting out at least as artistically as I heard it in my head. So I sat down and started writing it and got to two paragraphs which told all I needed and then I was like, "Oh, there's an idea of how to make this into a story." And bam. Story. Story that made me feel on the verge of tears at some points writing it, but that's good, right? I feel like, especially after what I overheard at the previous appointment last week, tutorials are really like therapy. Yes, we learn how to improve our writing (therapy in itself) one-on-one with a really great professor, but doing such an intimate thing helps. It just helps.
And I want to be like Pam Houston and write really great poetic short stories about these crazy adventures and how great it can be to be single but not too much because sometimes she gets a bit whiny or carries on like, "Why am I still single? Why do men suck?" cus they all bust out on her but not that stuff, more like the rapids stories and the travelling the world stories are amazing. I always come back to her and just marvel.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Hello September
So I'm all moved into my new house in Ann Arbor. For days all I could think of was getting out and getting here but there have been moments of sheer panic. At least at this point I could realize a reason: change. For ages I've known that I have a lot of trouble adjusting to new situations. Change freaks me out because I feel comfortable and more productive when I continue doing things a certain way and I know where everything is (relatively) and what's going on, etc. I've only visited Ann Arbor twice in the past year and each time it was merely social visiting really, making me feel somehow exempt from school goings on. It's weird to be here and feel like now I HAVE to belong because I'm here for a year to go to school and be a legitimate person. It's weird not living in EQ, but I guess that's for the best because I like having my own room and a kitchen and all that. I know that once classes start all will be different in a good way--I will be busy and things will naturally settle into a pace, a cycle, what have you.
I guess one thing I've been thinking about that also makes me uncomfortable about being here is feeling like I don't fit into the stereotypical American university lifestyle. I'm not huge on drinking, as in I don't look forward to doing it every weekend, night, party, whatever. I'm an old soul and prefer staying in or at least being surrounded by people with whom I'm very close because then it's ok to let it all hang out. I don't need a guard (see 21st birthday outing post). Anyway, getting drunk or whatever is not my primary aim and I don't feel like I fit in in Ann Arbor. I like this place but it's not for me. I want to beat back to what I said about having an excuse/being exempt from school. That made it better to be in Ann Arbor because I was just doing my thing. As another example, I've been missing the ease of being in London. Yeah, I know I was depressed for the first two months, but it was ok overall because I had the excuse of being a foreigner. London was such a big city that there were many unis and they were interspersed with other people who just lived and worked in the city. So you had the club culture, where people did go clubbing quite frequently, but it wasn't shoved down your face as much because everything was so spread out. I had more of an excuse to frequent museums and just be OUT there in general, exploring by merely walking around, so I didn't NEED to fill up my days with drinking, etc. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing or just neutral that that was my excuse and I felt more comfortable with that. I am kind of in a state where all I want is to get in and get out of this year. I know I want to have some fun, but largely I'm ready to move on.
I have good days where I think I'll be ok to get on with my life, but each morning here thus far I've woken up and some thought springs into my head and I feel instantly depressed and begin to panic before it drifts away and I'm ok again. I think it's helped that, after the initial craze and setting up of the house, I have finally been able to have some true alone time out and also some socialization with friends who also live here. Last night I went to Prague and spent some time just talking one-on-one with Michelle, who I adore. This morning I went to sign up for my creative writing tutorial in EQ and was going to visit Ellen at her work, but she left early so I just headed to a Starbucks, ordered a venti iced chai, and sat talking to my mum for a bit, then reading the Gargoyle and the Michigan Daily. Ellen was still out so I then moved on to a podcast and some sudoku. I was totally in my zone, free to be just in my head in a good way and it was just really relaxing. Ellen was then home so I stopped by to see her new apartment and we sat chatting for about half an hour before I came home. I've been largely organizing more things in my room and for my life. It all feels ok.
I guess one thing I've been thinking about that also makes me uncomfortable about being here is feeling like I don't fit into the stereotypical American university lifestyle. I'm not huge on drinking, as in I don't look forward to doing it every weekend, night, party, whatever. I'm an old soul and prefer staying in or at least being surrounded by people with whom I'm very close because then it's ok to let it all hang out. I don't need a guard (see 21st birthday outing post). Anyway, getting drunk or whatever is not my primary aim and I don't feel like I fit in in Ann Arbor. I like this place but it's not for me. I want to beat back to what I said about having an excuse/being exempt from school. That made it better to be in Ann Arbor because I was just doing my thing. As another example, I've been missing the ease of being in London. Yeah, I know I was depressed for the first two months, but it was ok overall because I had the excuse of being a foreigner. London was such a big city that there were many unis and they were interspersed with other people who just lived and worked in the city. So you had the club culture, where people did go clubbing quite frequently, but it wasn't shoved down your face as much because everything was so spread out. I had more of an excuse to frequent museums and just be OUT there in general, exploring by merely walking around, so I didn't NEED to fill up my days with drinking, etc. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing or just neutral that that was my excuse and I felt more comfortable with that. I am kind of in a state where all I want is to get in and get out of this year. I know I want to have some fun, but largely I'm ready to move on.
I have good days where I think I'll be ok to get on with my life, but each morning here thus far I've woken up and some thought springs into my head and I feel instantly depressed and begin to panic before it drifts away and I'm ok again. I think it's helped that, after the initial craze and setting up of the house, I have finally been able to have some true alone time out and also some socialization with friends who also live here. Last night I went to Prague and spent some time just talking one-on-one with Michelle, who I adore. This morning I went to sign up for my creative writing tutorial in EQ and was going to visit Ellen at her work, but she left early so I just headed to a Starbucks, ordered a venti iced chai, and sat talking to my mum for a bit, then reading the Gargoyle and the Michigan Daily. Ellen was still out so I then moved on to a podcast and some sudoku. I was totally in my zone, free to be just in my head in a good way and it was just really relaxing. Ellen was then home so I stopped by to see her new apartment and we sat chatting for about half an hour before I came home. I've been largely organizing more things in my room and for my life. It all feels ok.
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