So as my 21st birthday comes to a close I can't help but think about all the shit that has gone down. My mum would say not to post this online because she hates when I say personal things like that I've even had a bad day, but whatever. I need to reflect. I will skirt over some things because they are indeed too personal to put here.
I was given gifts at midnight and then driven to Meijer to make my first purchase. It was pouring and extremely difficult to see the road. I bought tequila and was wished happy birthday by the girl who checked my ID. I then set off the security alarm because she forgot to take off the cap thing. I went home to enjoy a margarita.
Essentially my heart was broken in the early hours of my birthday. It is what it is and nothing can change it. I went to bed at 5am praying for sleep that hadn't come in the previous hours (something I had hoped would deliver me from impending doom), and I slept, woken up by a sweet text around 8am from my cousin Tony and came fully awake at 10am, deciding if I slept more I would be more sad that I already was. I spent some time crying, wondering how the animals perceived my sobs, as one of the cats stopped napping to look at me in that only slightly startled way that cats have. I think Lily grew used to it. Chelsey called me and I talked to her until I had to get dressed and ready to leave.
Aunt Viv and Kyle were RIGHT on time picking me up at half twelve and I told them of the badness but quickly covered it up with the funny recounting of my alcohol purchase at 1am in my boxers. We headed to Panera, where Kyle brought over water and food and I was happy and distracted, laughing with family I hadn't seen in at least a month. We then ran some errands at Harding's and Kohl's, where I was made to hold my urine while I gave my opinion. Kyle and I sought childhood revenge by paging AV on the PA system. (She came right away). Finally we checked out and went to M-89 cinemas to see The Help with Aunt Viv's friend from work. I got a frozen mocha. We were late. The movie had already started when we walked in.
After the movie I was so cold that Kyle and I basked in the humidity outside while we all kind of chatted and I wondered if I was ready to go home. They invited me for dinner, Kyle insisted I come. I gave Mum the heads up and we just ran to Walgreen's and to check on Kyle's car before heading to their house.
By that point I was yawning a lot; the lack of sleep had caught up to me. I tried to help around the kitchen but I ended up calling my brother and talking to him for a few minutes before taking out some emotion by pounding the pork cutlets....several of them. Ellen rang me in the middle, so with one hand covered in drying meat fat, I again went to the porch and spoke to her and I just can't express how grateful I am for her friendship. How a simple offer can mean so much to me. It was good.
I came back in to wash my hands and then just basically sat at the table while chaos happened around me (the family) until we were ready to eat. It's always crazy to have casual dinners at my aunt's house but I fully appreciate that crazy. After dinner, Kyle drove me home and we talked a lot about relationships and it was meaningful to me. Steve was waiting up for me when I got home. He had bought me a tiny chocolate cake so Mum and he gave me a card, lit the candle and I made a wish, a half-hearted wish. Steve went to bed and I told Mum my woes, surprisingly keeping my composure. She took me to Applebees where I got a Raspberry martini thing and was carded but wished happy birthday by the waitress. We just chatted and enjoyed the time together watching the DJ play better music than metro, watching a man checking everyone else out, decided that this guy at the bar was gay with the man beside him and that he looked like a redheaded David Cook.
I came home to chat to some people and start the crying again, then finally got to talk to my best friend. He listened to me cry and what I had to say and made me feel better by just being the amazing person that he is. We made each other laugh, he used a simile about Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video, he told me crazy storeis about his family. An hour and ten minutes later, with lots of our bases covered, and me feeling loads better about everything, we hung up. I took a shower and now I'm sitting in my room. My birthday was done eight minutes ago.
I am so thankful for the relationships in my life that bring me joy. Thank you for listening to me; thank you, best friend; thank you cousins. What Obi said about someone else is going to be true for me: I'm coming back hard.
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